My art practice came out of a need to create a space of psychological safety, joy and comfort in my own life.
After years in survival mode and doing what I “should do”, a breakdown in 2022 made me listen to a tiny voice that had been whispering in my ear for years, a little girl that had been patiently pulling on my sleeve.
I do what I do to create a safe space for her, to sit with and transmute dark and difficult things into lightness, joy and safety and to share this with others. In my work I try to create for what I struggle to give myself - calm, safety, rest and a safe space for anger and power.
My work is focused on the ‘female gaze’; my femme figures have agency, are empowered and comfortable with who they are. Figures with straight backs and soft bellies not bothered by the threat of being perceived.
My work has been featured in Marie Claire, Time Out and Peppermint Magazine and I create work on Gadigal land in Mothership Studios, Marrickville, a shared artist warehouse community of makers, musicians and artists.
.....The long story: My foray into being an artist starts with a complete mental and physical breakdown
But let me set the scene first, and TW - there’s references to domestic violence
When I was younger I loved painting. I would spend days and late nights making art. I loved the thrill of turning ideas into reality.
My major work in high school even got into Artexpress, and I started doing a fine arts degree at UNSW: Art and Design.
But I was plagued by self doubt and in survival mode. Feeling safe enough to explore my creativity at that time was so far away. I was terrified of the instability of an art career and terrified of being seen.
I thought - “What do I even have that’s worth sharing?”
“Everything had been done before and what do I have to offer anyway that’s new?”
I dropped out of art school after 1 semester, went traveling and started a Design degree at UNSW: Art and Design majoring in Graphics, Textiles and Object design, it was a safer option where I could still be creative.
Fresh out of uni I started working in Interior architecture, designing for commercial and hospitality clients because I loved turning ideas into reality.
I pivoted to Service Design for infrastructure projects which was more values based work, using research and testing with different people to inform the design of spaces, making these more accessible and equitable.
All throughout this I was dealing with the most debilitating period pain starting from when I was 11 years old (like can’t walk, shaking, vomiting, writhing on the floor kind of pain). I’d seen a heap of doctors and been told that there's not much they can do for me. I just got on with it and I tried to manage it through diet and exercise like alot of women do.
I was an absolute mess throughout my adolescence and early 20’s (and I mean, a total mess)
Bouts of depression, generalised anxiety disorder, in and out of unhealthy relationships, one of which involved domestic violence. Feeling unsafe in living situations, having my gender used against me; I internalised it all. I was so damaged in such insidious ways.
If things have always been a certain way, you can’t imagine differently and what is familiar is attractive, and if you’re in survival mode you can’t look to the future, it’s just one step in front of the other.
When that last DV relationship got physical, that was the last straw for me and I was determined to break the pattern. A heap of therapy helped. And I met the most beautiful person after that, despite me being so wary and terrified of him turning out to be the same - he loved me relentlessly - through all my messiness - so much so that I started loving myself.
Then I adopted a cat, and started wanting to make art again
Late 2017 I adopted Edamame from the cat protection society. Caring for her made me care for myself more, and she calmed me down so much.
I believe having responsibility to care for another being can improve how kind you are to yourself.
Suddenly I felt an inner drive to make art for the first time in years.
I still thought, “who would want to buy an actual artwork from me?”
So I started designing and screenprinting my art onto textiles on a desk in the corner of our 1 bedroom apartment.
In 2018 I had my first market in Newtown, I joined a few artists from Monster Mouse Studios in Marrickville to rent a small retail shelf at a local store in Glebe. My confidence grew and I started posting illustrations on my instagram.
Late 2018 Renee from Hypmotive hub reached out to me on Instagram to see if I’d be interested in being stocked in her shop. It was a Marrickville store focused on showcasing local makers.
Over 2018-2019 I did meet the makers events, screenprinting workshops, did a creative talks at Newtown festival and local markets. I love being a party of the inner west creative community.
I worked full time in design throughout all of this while making and doing markets on the side. I also threw my energy into pole dancing as an outlet for physical embodiment, joy, and to manage my ongoing pain symptoms.
Then, the breakdown, which happened after the most joyful week of my life
I married Rohit in 2022, we planned 2 beautiful colour filled wedding ceremonies honouring both of our traditions and had the best time celebrating with family and friends. (and it was all about bright colour contrasts)
I caught covid at my wedding, symptoms started on our honeymoon in Thailand and I spent the fortnight isolating in our hotel room.
But when I got home I didn’t get better
And for the rest of 2022 I was exhausted.
I started dealing ongoing chronic pain all the time, as well as sciatic pain down my left leg - like a puppet string was being pulled up the back of my leg at all times.
I had to go part time at my corporate job.
I couldn't do pole.
I couldn't even think about making art. I was so depressed.
Any joy I had was gone, despite having got married to the best person in the world. I was in the darkest place I’d ever been in my life. The wheels were well and truly falling off.
While I was sick I was so out of it I stopped paying my private health insurance and it lapsed, so when I saw a gyno and she suggested the sciatic pain was due to endo tissue growing near/on my sciatic nerve I couldn’t go straight into surgery, I had to wait a year.
With long covid symptoms improving, in 2023 I re evaluated my priorities and decided I would go full send.
I was going to be an artist.
I built a shed in my garden - and started painting as a lifeline - this was the only creative or physical outlet I could manage at the time.
I started painting what I couldn't give myself, trying to transmute grief and pain into something positive.
I applied to The Other Art Fair with the first paintings I’d made since I was young, and I got accepted
I had a few months to develop a whole body of work.
I created whole lot of work around being submerged in water and feeling safe.
Painting is such an emotional processing journey, I cried a lot while painting and listening to music and it was so healing.
I was inspired by all my design and art study; Japanese woodblock printing, textiles, my love of interior spaces, interior scenes by Manet and Cassat, the joy and colours of Matisse and Gaugin.
I translated my digital illustration style to painting, flattened forms, hyper pigmented bold colour contrasts, with a focus on line and form over shading.
That fair was the first of many, and since then have sold over 80 originals, many prints and exhibited at multiple art fairs and design markets.
What I love most about these events is connecting with others.
In 2024 I finally had the survery to get diagnosed with endometriosis, and after years of working on a desk in the corner of a 1 bedroom apartment, and then in a garden shed - in 2024 I moved into my own space at Mothership Studios Marrickville.
Under the supervision of Benson the studio cat.
Today, I'm full time making art
I am still painting what I started with, focusing on femme figures unapologetically resting, raging or riding.
I paint for the female gaze, reclaiming safety and bodily autonomy. Historically what is ‘feminine’ has been co-opted by others and used as a weapon and in my work I aim to reclaim a sense of safety, and to depict femme presenting figures in contemplative moments, or in ways of being that weren’t traditionally accepted as ‘feminine’ traits eg: Lazy, silly or angry. Figures celebrating the joy of not being perceived, being able to be totally at ease.
I still deal with chronic pain from endo but I'm working out how to manage and cope with it.
It’s been such a process getting to this point, years. There’s been really hard things, but within those there’s been so many gifts, and my challenge has been sifting through these and finding meaning and connection.
All of these things have come out of darkness and in retrospect I wouldn't change anything, because it's led me to where I am now.
If you've gotten to the bottom of this long story thank you so much for staying with me, looking forward to sharing more of my journey with you as I go.
